Sunday, November 24, 2019

Comment on a Colleague's Work #2

I really like many of the thoughts you relayed in your editorial, but I do have suggestions that could strengthen your blog post. While there are many factual statements that do support your reasoning for wanting to eliminate the Electoral College, I would recommend using the entire rhetorical triangle in order to completely persuade your audience. The rhetorical triangle encompasses ethos (trust), logos (logic), and pathos (emotion) to convince your writer to believe you by showing them that you agree with them, but to look at things from your perspective. Also, I would make sure to watch grammar errors throughout your post. For example, “for coming presidential election” in the first paragraph should be “for the coming presidential election.” This occurred in a few other places throughout your editorial, which can distract the reader from the point you are trying to get across.  
In addition, I would try to embed quotes in the text rather than simply place them in, giving the reader some context behind the insertion so they are less confused. So, I would replace the sentence that you have as simply one large quote and break it up a bit, using some background information to make a smooth transition. Lastly, I would use a hook at the beginning that you can use to wrap up your conclusion in a more persuasive way. This could be something creative or something simple like “we all like to think our opinion matters, but the electoral college is going against this American ideal of equality for all.” I really like your editorial and feel that it brings up some good points, but these changes may strengthen your argument even further.

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